Getting old sucks.
Now, before you start to commiserate with me about the ‘good old days’, if you can’t tell me where you were the night Julius Caesar was killed, then I don’t want to hear it.
I’m not talking plain ol’ 'old' here - I’m talking ancient. Getting ancient sucks.
The main problem is that after a while, there’s nothing new to do or see in the world. I mean, how many times can you hear Switzerland declare neutrality, or watch France surrender to someone?
Even the multi-cultural land of the United States lost a little bit of its purple mountain majesty after a few centuries.
Then I found New York City. A universe unto itself, Manhattan was this wonderland of lights and sounds and smells that I didn’t think I could ever grow tired of.
And I didn’t, for about five decades.
But there’s this wondrous thing about NYC - along with Manhattan, there are four other landmasses called ‘boroughs’, something that I don’t think can be found anywhere else on the planet. These boroughs are each their own different world, places that were so unlike from Manhattan, you wouldn’t know you were in the same city.
So, after seeing yet another Broadway play and having what might possibly be my one-billionth dirty-water hotdog, I decided to pack up my things and move to Brooklyn.
Brooklyn is an amazing place, with its stoops and fire escapes, stickball and foldable pizza slices. A place where each block spoke a different language, yet every corner brownstone had an old woman yelling for her grandson to come home for supper.
It was in this multicultural hubbub that I started my lucrative – albeit decadent – business.
This kind of business was something I was very familiar with, and it didn’t take long for me to have it pretty much running on its own, giving me enough time and money to do what I wanted.
What did I want to do, you ask? Well, that’s the rub… I am a two-thousand-year-old vampyre. I wanted to do something different. But what could possibly be different for me when I’ve pretty much seen it all?
My answer came one night when I was standing on the roof of my building, watching the boats on the East River. I was leaning on the ledge, staring at the lights from the Seaport when I realized that I was no longer alone on the roof.
I felt him before I saw him, and turned in time to witness him emerge from the shadows.
No, emerge was the wrong term. He came up from the shadows, as if the darkness gave birth to him. He was thin, but muscular, with broad shoulders, a v-shaped chest, and legs that filled out his BDUs nicely. He was dressed in black and red, wearing a leather trench, with a red mask covering the lower half of his face.
And he had the most amazing green eyes I had ever seen.
Unfortunately, those eyes had a look in them that I had seen many times before: he was there to kill me.
I sighed and rested my elbows on the ledge behind me, looking upwards. “It’s a beautiful night,” I said to him, “Are the stars what brought you up to Tar Beach?”
His forehead wrinkled in confusion. “Tar Beach?”
I smiled slightly; so he wasn’t a native New Yorker. “The rooftop luv… Tar Beach…” I looked back up at the sky. “So, if not for the stars, then maybe for some other celestial reason…?”
He shifted slightly, trying to figure me out. I doubt I was what he was expecting from an ancient bloodsucking fiend. “You are Celeste DeCumpania, right?”
“You mean a picture didn’t come with my dossier?”
His eyes narrowed. “I’m not a hired gun; I don’t take missions for money.”
“Then what are you?”
I noticed his shoulders straighten before he responded. “I’m a ninja.”
I rolled my eyes. “Well, I’ve been to Asia often enough to know a ninja when I see one.” I stared at his olive skin and amazing eyes for a moment. “Of course you’re not like any ninja I’ve ever seen.”
“Enough of this,” he growled, “You know why I’m here.”
“To kill me, I suppose,” I replied, “Although I can’t imagine why.”
“You think I should just let you get away with murdering seven children?”
I laughed. “Children? My dear ninja, children are not as sought-after a commodity as they used to be.” As I spoke, I inhaled his scent. He was human and… something else. I wasn’t sure what. Interesting… “The reason children were such a treat way back when was because their innocence made their blood delectably sweet.” I noticed his hands clench into fists as I continued. “But with cable television being piped into their brains at such young ages nowadays, there are very few that taste different from adults… and it’s not worth the aggravation of hunting for the tasty ones.” I saw his eyes flash. “Is this conversation bothering you?”
“Is this…” his voice got low; I had a feeling that this meant he was pissed. “You’re standing here talking about eating babies, and you’re asking if it bothers me? Are you out of your fucking mind?”
“Yes.” I answered simply.
I tried to figure out what was going on. Why hadn’t he attacked yet? Was he sizing me up the same way I was him?
I was bored at this point. That’s most probably why I struck first.
I sent the knives at him with less than my normal strength and speed, just to give him a fighting chance. His arms flew up in an X in front of his chest, and I felt a wave of power as an invisible shield formed in front of him. He stayed in that position for a couple of seconds, then looked between his arms when he didn’t feel the impact of the blades against the shield. I let the knives hover in the air in front of him for a few moments, then had them disappear in puffs of smoke.
“Great thing, illusions,” I said as he lowered his arms. “You never know what is real and what is not. This whole city could be a figment of my imagination and you would never know it.”
He folded his arms across his chest. “How do I know that you’re real then?”
I smiled. “I don’t know… How do you?”
He melted into the ground, and I knew where he was going to appear. I took a step forward, so he’d have enough room, and an instant later felt his arms around me, pulling me tight against him. He was stronger than I would’ve guessed, but not stronger than me. I could’ve easily broken his grasp, but I let the boy have his moment. Besides, it felt nice being pressed up against him like that.
And then I felt the cold steel against my throat. It was an amazingly arousing moment.
“So kill me,” I whispered, enjoying his mystifying scent, “I just hope another child doesn’t die while you’re wasting time with me.”
With something resembling vampyric speed, he put the knife away and spun me to face him. “Prove it,” he growled, “prove you didn’t kill those children.”
“You mean besides not knowing what children you’re talking about?” I replied. His eyes flashed again. “Let’s make a deal,” I said, stepping closer to him. He instinctively stepped back, pinning himself against the ledge. I knew better than to think he was caught; half his body was covered in shadows. “I’ll help you to find the murderer…”
“What if I already have?”
I smirked. “If you actually thought that, I have a feeling you’d be trying harder to kill me.”
His hand wrapped around my throat; again, it was done with inhuman speed. If being choked hadn’t been done to me numerous times by various creatures over the years (and if for the fact that I really didn't need to breathe…), I might have been impressed… even scared.
But being ancient jades you a bit.
I sighed. “Have you ever considered that I’m letting you win this little power play? That I’m not even using a modicum of my powers on you?” I locked eyes with him and smiled. “Do you know how many times you’ve looked me directly in the eye? Seventeen. Seventeen times I could’ve taken over your mind and make you my willing slave, do you realize that?”
He stared at me for a few moments, his eyes cold and hard. “No, you couldn’t have.”
I was impressed. The boy thought he had a chance of beating me. As cute as that was, I was interested in other things, and I knew he was not yet willing to hear about those naughty thoughts.
So I faded away… literally. Just another neat little trick from your friendly neighborhood vampyre.
“Like I was saying,” I continued, appearing on the other side of the roof; I noticed he was slightly stunned by my disappearing act, “I’ll help you find the murderer. Once we find him, you’ll know it’s not me, and I can go back to…” I smiled and looked him slowly over, “other pursuits.”
“Forget it,” he growled, “I don’t fuck monsters.”
I laughed. “You’re such an innocent child…”
His eyes narrowed. “I am no child.”
I couldn’t keep the smirk off of my face. From what I could see, I would’ve guessed him to be in his mid to late twenties, so that meant I had about one thousand, nine hundred and eighty-five years on him… yeah, he was a child. “So, do we have a deal, or not?”
“And if we don’t find this murderer?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Then you’re not as good a ninja as you thought you were.”
The morning stars came at me with a speed that was impressive. I guess that’s why he couldn’t hide his surprise when I caught them as if he had thrown me a baseball.
“Look, I don’t have all night,” I said, putting the stars in my jeans pocket, “I have a business to run and all… So either put some effort into killing me, or let me help you.”
He stared at me for a few moments. I knew he had a lot more weapons in his arsenal - he wouldn’t be a ninja otherwise. “Fine, but if you betray me…”
“You’ll hunt me down and make me rue the day… yeah, yeah, yeah…” I headed towards the stairway. “All of this negotiating is making me thirsty. I have a full bar downstairs. Do you want anything?”
He shifted slightly. “Got any Rockstar?”
“Geez,” I rolled my eyes, “you kids and your odd drinks…”
Even with the mask, I could tell he was trying not to smile. “This doesn’t mean I trust you.”
“You’d be an idiot if you did.” I opened the stairway door, then said over the noise from below. “So ninja, what do I call you?”
“My name is Shadoboxxer.”
I giggled. “Seriously?”
His eyes narrowed. “Yes, seriously.” His hands clenched. “Do you have something to say about that?”
“No luv. If you say that’s your name, that’s your name,” I started down the stairs, “Just don’t expect me to call you that…”
And that’s how the partnership started between Shadoboxxer and me. What can I say? Spending time with the young ninja could possibly make this old vampyre feel like a girl again…
Shadoboxxer is the brain child of Victor Toro
Celeste DeCumpania is the brain child of ME!
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